I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
