would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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