I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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