I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
