Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
