Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
