This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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