I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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