just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
