Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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