he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
