I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
