i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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