STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
