farters have to be the big spoon...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
