if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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