Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
