i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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