We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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