Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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