My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
