Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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