I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
