When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
