God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
