You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
where are my eyebrows?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
