you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
