Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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