ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
