I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
