Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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