i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
