At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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