fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
