He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
