if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
