kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
