my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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