So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
