dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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