So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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