i need an iv and a liver transplant
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why are your pants in the freezer?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
