She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
