If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
