I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and she was petting her beer can
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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