It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
