the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
