Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
