The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
