Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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